;my love is on your side

itsbetterthananal:

my brother is 21 years old and a chef in a 5 star restaurant and he still has dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets for dinner every night so dont let anybody tell you how to live your life

poopflow:

poopflow:

i clicked a wrong link and yelled ABORT ABORT and my mom whispered i thought the same thing right before u were born

thegreataugustuswaters:

timelyburden:

timelyburden:

Once my dad got a nail stuck in his eye so he had to get this cotton patch taped over it and while he slept I drew an eye on it and put makeup on it and coincidentally my dads name is Joe so I think you know where this is going

My dad was the real Cotton eyed joe

I wasn’t kidding…

dont judge the artistic part of it i was 9 and he is a light sleeper

I have some questions for your dad

• where did he come from?
• where did he go?

imtoolaceytodoanything:

bondoge:

why do i still have to go to school i thought slavery was abolished in 1865

that’s an interesting fact, where’d you learn that?

best-of-funny:

zealotarchaeologist:

i stepped on the scale today and it said “bat”

it took me a few seconds to realize it meant the battery was out, but before i realized that i just said “i am not a bat” out loud

X

sacajaweasvagina:

the first dance at my wedding will be to the hoedown throw down